My Noggin

Noggin. It's always been a favourite word and I love to use it. Well, I'm going to be using that word a lot for a while.
A few months ago I approached my doctor and requested an MRI of my brain. I had been having more frequent headaches as well as a numb tongue. The doctor huffed at me and thought I was crazy to want this test done because of a numb tongue but I have a history of doctors who brush my concerns aside. I've usually been right so I knew that I had to insist.
I had the MRI and the results have come back. I have a 25mm x 14mm meningioma on the right side of my head - right at my temple. A tumor. The doctor said that it appears benign (not cancer) and unrelated to my breast cancer history. He said he would be extremely shocked if it turned out to be malignant (cancer). The tumor is probably very slow growing but I'm going to need surgery. After the surgery my brain will be monitored via MRIs for the next 20 years.
The tumor is located on the surface of my brain that is responsible for memory and personality. If my brain is damaged during surgery then these are the parts of my brain that would be affected. The good news is that my brain should have another "backup copy" of this information on the left side of my brain. The chances of permanent damage is under 5%. I also have a small risk of losing mobility and feeling on my left side (I don't remember the percentage....I think it was under 1%). There is, of course, also the risk of infection. The surgeon will do his best to have any scars within my hairline but I will probably have an indent on the right side of my head. My hair has just finally got long enough for me to put it in a ponytail and now I am probably going to have the right side of my head shaved for the surgery. WARNING!!!!...venting time. I knew to expect to hear things that would scare me (procedure and risks of the surgery). But knowing that I'm pretty much guaranteed to be looking in the mirror next month and seeing a slightly different reflection looking back at me really pisses me off. Don't I have enough battle scars already? Hasn't my life been intruded upon enough because of my breast cancer? I have scars on my body that I can cover up with a sweater. Now I am going to have one on my face!!!!!! The doctor told me I should be concerned more about the risks. I'M CONCERNED ABOUT IT ALL!!!!!!!!!! Okay, the venting is over...for now.
The surgery will be soon. I'm still waiting to hear about a date. It will probably last about four hours and I will be in the hospital for at least a few days. I should expect to need about two months recovery time at home before I can go back to work.
I should also mention that the surgeon says that my chances of coming out of this "okay" and not needing any further treatment is as close to 100% as he can get.
I've been crying a lot. Sometimes I start thinking about all the worst case scenarios. I have had a few days of feeling sorry for myself but you know me....I always bounce back and am usually upbeat. Thank you to everyone out there for all your well wishes. Thank you to my wonderful husband, Kevin, who is always there for me. And a big thank you to my dear friend Diep who always knows how to cheer me up.